For some people procrastinating is not a verb in their vocabulary. I don’t understand how that’s possible, but some people just make action plans and stick to them. I, on the other hand, make plans and usually wait until the last minute to do said plan.
I don’t advocate for procrastinating, but let me tell you how to be the slowest poke of slowpokes to ever slow poke.
Procrastinating isn’t all that hard to do. There’s a couple of ways to do it. Getting off topic from the task at hand is one of those ways.
There was this one time when I lived in Tennessee, and I saw the biggest, nastiest, slimiest slug outside on my nanny’s porch. It was disgusting and slugging around incredibly slow. So, being the mean little human that I was, I poured some salt around it like a maze. I’m sure you can imagine how that ended for poor little slug.
As I was saying, procrastinating is something that just sometimes happen from getting off topic. You’ll be thinking about that English paper you need to write. What was the topic? Oh, animal cruelty.
Look up topics on animal cruelty and you’ll find some pretty disturbing images. From there you’ll end up thinking about horror movies.
You’ll end up looking up who the actors are in the movies. Then you’ll see someone who was in that one movie with that one guy. It just becomes a hot mess from there, and soon it’s three in the morning and you’re looking at cat videos. Again.
Procrastination can also come from being forgetful. Sometimes you just get so busy with life and all the troubles it brings that you forget when you have assignments, projects and tasks due whether it be for work or school. Or maybe you’re just becoming senile.
Either way, forgetting an assignment or task can lead to some serious all-nighters or poorly written papers. Or, if you’re like me, you can write your best papers when you wait until the night before it’s due to write it. It’s okay; not everyone can be Brittany Love.
There was one time when I was a senior in high school and wrote my 10-page research paper the night before it was due. It was a position paper on decriminalizing prostitution. I made an A.
Seriously, that off-topic thing I mentioned earlier, it’s real!
Waiting until the last minute can get you into some trouble though. When you wait too long, you’ll end up not having a plan for getting a task done and you’ll start to ramble or improvise. If you’re good at improv, then go for it, but we can’t all be you. Can we? That would be weird. Just a million yous walking around Sinclair.
I guess if you wanted to ramble in a paper you could. My advice though is to make it sound like it fits with the topic you’re supposed to be writing about.
For example, I chose “procrastination” as my topic a week before I started writing this piece. I had some ideas I wanted to do with this, but I didn’t have a clear direction. I came to Starbucks, sat down and just started writing whatever sounded good. My excuse: authenticity!
Being lazy and not caring is another great way to be a procrastinator. I would actually say that’s the ultimate way to become the supreme procrastinator. If you don’t care about anything, then you can just put it all off until the very end or never do it at all. That last bit kind of defeats the purpose of being a pro-crast-i-na-tor though.
There are times when we, as humans, just don’t care. I didn’t care about this one section in my religion class last semester so I flat out didn’t read it. I had planned on it, but I never got around to it.
Overall, if you want to procrastinate your way through life just remember to wait until the last minute to do anything, not really care about said things and always get off topic.
(This Starbucks I’m in is actually really fancy, guys. They serve wine here.)
Brittany Fletcher
Designer/Intern