Dear Gabby
I have been friends with someone for around eight years now. He has been talking about his new construction job that he was excited to start but has been sidetracked since he got into this new relationship. He hasn’t had an actual girlfriend in years so I try not to voice my opinion on her and their relationship.
Ever since they’ve got together he hasn’t been going to work because she’s been taking him on trips around the country for her job. She has a good job though so she pays for everything when they go out and when they’re on these trips so money hasn’t been too much of an issue at this point for him.
They argue all the time and I’m sure they won’t last too much longer so I don’t understand why he continues to miss work to go on trips with this girl. Should I let him know how dumb this is or continue to keep my opinions to myself?
From,
Concerned Dude,
Dear Concerned Dude,
I think a strong friendship means that you can be unfiltered and honest with someone. I think it’s important to voice your concerns, especially since you have been friends with him for 8 years hopefully, he will value your opinion.
It might be hard for him to see your side, and I am sure he might get defensive, but I think it’s better to let him know you care about him and his personal life. Even though he might be “blinded by love,” you see an outside view and have known him much longer than his girlfriend.
Try to also see his perspective. It’s tough to view a situation from the other side, but I think that always helps. Give him a place to maybe vent, or feel ok to talk to you about his relationship with her.
I would suggest you give him support, but help him also see how unhealthy it seems from your view. He might not consider your opinions helpful at the time, but I think it’s important to let him know you want a better, healthier relationship for him.
In the end, he’s going to do what he wants to do, but it’s better to give him another perspective.
Good luck,
Gabby