I have some extended family members who have made it pretty obvious they aren’t okay with my sexuality or my relationship with another man. My partner and I have decided to get married, but aren’t interested in inviting family members who would cause a scene or make other guests uncomfortable at our wedding. Is there an issue with not inviting unsupportive family members?
First, let me start by giving you my sincerest apology. No one should have to decide between inviting family members and the comfort level of themselves and their guests.
With the Supreme Court ruling in favor of same-sex marriage, these sorts of questions are showing up in wedding publications across the United States.
Remember one thing: You can’t please everyone all the time.
The traditions of marriage have changed in many ways and many couples, including heterosexual couples, do not invite unpleasant family members all the time for various reasons, including racial issues, cultural backgrounds and religious differences.
It is no longer a requirement to invite every blood relative, especially those who are not supportive of your lifestyle or relationship.
If someone else is paying for the wedding, such as parents, having a conversation with this person who may want to invite everyone is the place to start.
If they themselves are straight, having unpleasant relatives when it comes to this topic may have never crossed their mind. If they press for inviting relatives you do not feel would make good guests, then it may be up to you to host your own wedding as a couple.
If you and your partner are in fact paying for your wedding, you have every right to invite whoever you want, especially when it comes to the comfort and safety of yourself and your guests.
These relatives should not, and more than likely will not be offended by not being invited, as they had an issue with the idea altogether. They disinvited themselves.
At the end of the day, it all culminates in what you want your wedding day to be about and what you both stand for as a couple. It took lifetimes and decades of fighting to get this right; don’t let anyone ruin your wedding.
James Novotny director of James Novotny Lifestyle Design and the wedding blog alwaysthebridesman.com would like to help guide you down the aisle and ease your wedding day woes.
Feel free to send your wedding quarries to firstname.lastname@example.org or drop them off at the Clarion office, 6-314
James Novotny is an all-inclusive wedding planner and is open to questions regarding same-sex and multicultural weddings.