{"id":14845,"date":"2017-03-13T08:55:02","date_gmt":"2017-03-13T13:55:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/?p=14845"},"modified":"2017-06-26T10:49:04","modified_gmt":"2017-06-26T15:49:04","slug":"with-kleen-conscience-you-shy-you-die","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/tartan-news\/2017\/03\/13\/with-kleen-conscience-you-shy-you-die\/","title":{"rendered":"With Kleen Conscience: You shy, you die"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou shy, you die,\u201d may be one of the most wonderful culture-shock phrases I\u2019ve encountered in all my travels.This has been my go-to phrase for pushing myself out of my comfort zone. The author of this quote is the wonderful mother of two of my good childhood friends. Xia is her name, she is from Laos. <\/span><\/p>\n

Jake and her daughter, Jade are two of my good friends.\u00a0 <\/span>With her accent, it\u2019s almost impossible to tell which one she\u2019s calling by name, so we call Jade, \u201cMoe.\u201d I am known lovingly as \u201cBardo.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m actually editing this at their home in California. This past July was the last time I saw them, as I helped move them into their new home. <\/span><\/p>\n

They\u2019re a very mixed family with a germanic father and an immigrant mother from Asia, living in good ol\u2019 Stockton, California. Their family\u2019s white, black and Hmong\/Laotian.<\/span><\/p>\n

The ethnic makeup of Californian societies and that of Dayton could not be more different. While I have a deep love for both our states, I definitely learned a lot from my early days of traveling the country.<\/span><\/p>\n

Part of that was the depth of sympathy. When I went through the hell I did in life, no one responded with anything that could actually help. Instead, it was just sympathy. <\/span><\/p>\n

Sympathy doesn\u2019t give me food to eat, it does not procure a public education for me, it does not ensure a roof over my head. Yet, this is the go-to. We just start treating people that go through horrible times with sympathy–then we check out.<\/span><\/p>\n

The most damaging element to being bombarded with nothing but sympathy is that you begin to operate in a sympathetic routine. You know people are just going to feel bad. You start just associating all of your existence toward the experiences you have with the responses people give you.<\/span><\/p>\n

You end up not believing you are able to help yourself simply because no one decides to help you.<\/span><\/p>\n

By doing this routine of sympathy, we don\u2019t end up aiding those we feel like we want to. Instead, we\u2019re aiding our own discomfort.<\/span><\/p>\n

I think Xia may have first told me \u201cYou shy, you die,\u201d when I did not want to ask for more food. I was raised very well mannered, despite my outspoken critics\u2019 refutations of that fact. I generally operate in a manner to cause the absolute least amount of trouble for everyone. <\/span><\/p>\n

I was reserved and would often miss opportunities because I simply could not justify the thought that I was significant enough to warrant well, anyone\u2019s assistance in anything. <\/span><\/p>\n

Instead of giving me the same old \u201cpoor you, everyone ignores you,\u201d feel-good rhetoric, Xia\u2019s culture does not placate or encourage shyness. She encouraged me to ask for what I want and go for it. <\/span><\/p>\n

Now you see, that\u2019s quite significant when life\u2019s demands need answering. Sympathy, itself, means I likely end up with no food on my plate. Not everyone can give, which means not everyone can get. Assisting me to develop positive habits can get me food, sympathy cannot. <\/span><\/p>\n

Now to most people, this notion might have been encouraged. From my growing up, the complete opposite was true. I had to be polite at all costs and never risk offending anyone of a higher social class. I was to be passive. <\/span><\/p>\n

I say \u201cyou shy, you die\u201d all the time now, especially out with my friends in California. Instead of babying someone that needs help, we can encourage someone into developing better habits.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t placate away someone else\u2019s troubles, either decide to help them or pleasantly move along. Otherwise, you\u2019re just going to hurt them more out of selfishness.<\/span><\/p>\n

We can\u2019t expect everyone to solve our problems. However, we can always work on ourselves–and that is going to have an infinitely superior likelihood of providing for a need.<\/span><\/p>\n

Barton Kleen<\/strong>
\nExecutive Editor<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou shy, you die,\u201d may be one of the most wonderful culture-shock phrases I\u2019ve encountered in all my travels.This has been my go-to phrase for pushing myself out of my comfort zone. The author of this quote is the wonderful mother of two of my good childhood friends. Xia is her name, she is from […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10290,"featured_media":13706,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[1999,1384,1725],"class_list":["post-14845","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-tartan-news","tag-barton-kleen","tag-opinion","tag-with-kleen-conscience"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"cc_featured_image_caption":{"caption_text":false,"source_text":false,"source_url":false},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5s3vR-3Rr","jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/Barton-Website.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14845","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10290"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14845"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14845\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15618,"href":"https:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14845\/revisions\/15618"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13706"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14845"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14845"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sinclairclarion.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14845"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}